Dear David,

Bullying behavior can be really challenging to address. Most schools now have bullying prevention programs, but it can still be difficult to reduce because it is often out-of-sight of adult authorities and not always reported by victims for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes the most effective response is for victims to empower themselves with a variety of strategies to respond to bullying behavior. A good place to start is by understanding the typical motives of bullies themselves. Typically, bullies put other people down because of their own feelings of inadequacy. By putting someone else down, it makes them feel better about themselves. It’s pretty pathetic when you think about it.

Consequently, it is important for the victim to understand that their reaction can actually reinforce the bully’s behavior. The more uncomfortable or upset the victim appears, the more powerful and effective the bully may feel. Therefore, one highly effective strategy is for the victim to minimize their verbal and nonverbal reactions. A related approach is to actually agree with whatever the bully may say and/or to say thank you!

It is also important to let adult authorities know what’s going on, whether this occurs at school, at home, or online. This is particularly true if there’s any physical bullying occurring. It is illegal to be aggressive with others and in some cases it is completely appropriate for the police and courts to become involved. If you’re being bullied at home, it is important to let your parents or guardians know and look to them for assistance. If you are being physically bullied, you can contact the police yourself and seek their support. Sometimes standing up to a bully means outsmarting them and looking to outside authorities to provide them with needed consequences.