Cultural Stereotypes

Are you familiar with the nursery rhyme “What are little boys made of? Snips and snails and puppy dogs’ tails”? According to that same rhyme, little girls are made of “Sugar and spice, and everything nice.” Many believe these stereotypes about boys and girls: boys are supposed to be scrappy, dirty, and aggressive, while girls are supposed to be proper and delicate, possessing a sweet disposition. While some people roll their eyes at these stereotypes, others cling to them, assuming or even insisting that “boys will be boys.” Psychologists call this a “stereotype threat,” where males are expected to act one way and girls another, and anyone who crosses that line threatens something fundamental about society. Fortunately, biology is not destiny. Being assigned male or female at birth based on your reproductive organs does not require you to act in certain ways, any more than being born with curly hair or freckles does. And that’s a good thing, especially if you’re a teenage boy!

In the past half-century, industrial societies have made great strides in encouraging and supporting young females to break out of the gender stereotypes that once held them back. We still live in a society where the average nineteen-year-old male is paid $10 an hour while the average nineteen-year-old female earns $8.90 an hour for the same job, where females are twice as likely as males to have been harassed, assaulted, or abused in their lifetime, among other deeply entrenched inequalities. But in 2020, 44 percent of females in the United States attended college, women made up nearly half (47 percent) of the U.S. workforce in 2021, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, and no one thinks twice when they see females wearing pants.

The same cannot be said of males wearing skirts. In many circumstances, young males face pressures to stay within the old gender stereotypes. Though gender stereotypes generally benefit males more than females, they can also hold males back. A century ago, masculine ideals stressed physical strength and being the head of the household, because men without a college education could support an entire family with well-paying jobs in manufacturing. But those centuries-old masculine ideals hold men back in an information-based economy where having communication skills, decision-making skills, and a college degree are in high demand. When males see educational achievement as somehow unmanly, they fall behind females at school. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 50 percent more males drop out of high school than females. And while 41 percent of females had a college degree in 2020, only 32 percent of males did, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

In a society that encourages males to engage in more risky behavior and to be “tough” in the face of dangers or difficulties, men are less likely than women to seek professional health care for serious illnesses. As a result, males are more likely to die of chronic illnesses like heart disease or treatable infectious diseases like COVID-19. They are more likely than women to resort to drug abuse to address their mental health problems rather than consult a mental health professional. Men outnumber women in drug-related emergency room visits and overdose deaths, and make up nearly 80 percent of people who die by suicide, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Indeed, stereotypes can be deadly. American masculinity has long been associated with violence, including ritualized violence like playing “Cowboys and Indians,” contact sports, or video games. Males who own guns outnumber female gun owners by nearly two to one, but males are also 85 percent of all victims of gun violence, according to the CDC, and they are 93 percent of the U.S. prison population, according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics.

The good news: society is increasingly aware that gender stereotypes are harmful not only to women but to many men. That awareness is highest among young people, who are increasingly breaking gender norms. According to a survey published in Time magazine in 2023, 51 percent of young people polled considered that there are more than two gender identities, far more than any other age group. They are more likely than previous generations to use terms like gender fluid, gender queer, nonbinary, and agender (someone who does not identify with any gender), and they are more likely to consider it important that people don’t make assumptions about their gender identity. Young people are also twenty times more likely than Baby Boomers to identify as transgender or nonbinary. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Household Pulse Survey, where only adults were surveyed, two million Americans aged eighteen to twenty-six identify as transgender or nonbinary.

If you are a young male, breaking out of gender stereotypes means you have many more emotional and behavioral options than you used to. When you shed stereotypes about how you are supposed to behave, you’re not afraid of showing your affection for your friends or romantic partner. When you’re in pain or upset, you don’t listen to that little voice in your head saying “big boys don’t cry.” You stand up for your right to wear what you want, whether or not what you wear conforms to gender norms or not. In Texas in 2020, a seventeen-year-old male student was suspended several times from a public high school for wearing fingernail polish, which female students were allowed to wear. After learning about his rights under the law, he started a petition called “Allow males to wear nail polish,” got legal support from civil rights organizations, and attended school board meetings to advocate for his rights. Due to his efforts, the school district changed its policy in 2021 to a gender-neutral one.

Recent studies show that boys are just as concerned with their bodies and their appearance as girls are. Males often fall in love just as hard as girls during adolescence. Like their female counterparts, young males desire meaningful relationships, and they are looking for romance—not merely sex—within those relationships. There are more emotionally responsive young males out there than we might think.

Gender-based Bullying

People who challenge gender and sexual stereotypes can face resistance, even threats. If you’re an adolescent male, the likelihood is that the other kids at school aren’t very tolerant of people who are “different.” They’re “weird,” they’re “bizarre,” and worst of all, they’re exposed to ridicule. Teenagers use insults, slurs, and other verbal slings and arrows to psychologically taunt people who don’t live up to gender stereotypes. According to GLSEN’s 2021 National School Climate Survey, nearly all (97 percent) LGBTQ+ students had heard negative remarks about their sexual orientation or gender identity, including phrases like “that’s so gay” or homophobic name-calling. The same survey found that 76 percent of LGBTQ+ students were verbally harassed, 31 percent were physically harassed, and 12.5 percent were physically assaulted, based on their sexual orientation or gender expression.

In this day and age, it’s common for teens to use the word “gay” as a synonym for “weak” or “lame.” They often don’t even realize how hurtful their words might be to someone who actually is gay. These slurs are also wildly inaccurate, for there is absolutely nothing weak about gay people. Assuming a whole group of people acts or is a certain way is the very definition of a stereotype. “That’s so gay” is always an insult to gay people, and using that phrase contributes to a culture that leads to LGBTQ+ people being targeted for mental and physical abuse from “bullies,” who should be called what they really are: harassers and perpetrators of hate.

Bullies largely target their victims’ worst anxieties. Especially among boys, bullies can zoom in on their targets’ nervousness about sex, sexual orientation, self-image, and perceived physical shortcomings. Adolescent boys—already prone to fears and insecurities about sexual identity, masculinity, and body image—are easy prey for these bullies. According to the 2022 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, LGBTQ+ students were twice as likely as students who identified as heterosexual to be subject to cyberbullying or bullying at school in the previous year.

Bullies often target victims because of their physical appearance. Yet bullies also often focus on a victim’s gender identity or sexual orientation, as well as their disability, race, or religion. For this reason, bullying is a civil rights violation comparable to harassment or even a hate crime (which is a federal offense). As of this writing, forty-five states have adopted antibullying laws. If you’re being bullied, you should tell an adult whom you trust, whether it’s a teacher, coach, school administrator, or your parents, so that they can handle it in a professional manner.

The first step is to tell the people who are bullying or making anti-gay or homophobic jokes that their words hurt you or people you care about, and that you would appreciate it if they didn’t use that sort of language. Harassment is a crime, so if you’ve heard anyone making threatening remarks toward people of a different race, religion, gender identity, or sexual orientation—or if they’ve made those remarks to you—you should immediately contact an authority figure and tell them what you’ve heard. If you fear that you’ll become the victim of the people who made those threats if you report the incident, you should ask to remain anonymous.

A Gay-Straight Alliance, also known as a Gender & Sexuality Alliance (GSA), is a common way to start a dialogue in your school about diversity of all kinds. In 2023 there were more than 4,000 GSAs in schools across the country. At schools with GSAs, LGBTQ+ students are less likely to hear homophobic remarks, less likely to feel unsafe, and were more likely to have supportive school staff and faculty. Perhaps one of your teachers can help you get the discussion going. The goal here is to get students of various backgrounds to talk about their feelings and experiences and to begin an open dialogue. That way, no one will feel left out.