Dear Annanda,

The short answer is: Yes. At any age, it is normal and sometimes very healthy for friends to influence our decisions.

For teens, friends take on a more important role. Adolescence is a time for us to learn how to relate to others on a deeper level. For this reason, it is also a time when we strive for a lot of peer acceptance and approval. As a result of much “social experimenting,” we develop the skills we need to interact effectively with others. But, because this requires experimentation, we’re bound to make mistakes.

Adolescence is a time when we refine our skills of making good judgments about social situations and about how we behave in those situations. This is often referred to as “social judgment.” Parents often try to help their children develop good social judgment by telling them about “not following the crowd.” What parents may not always realize is that, in order for teens to develop good social judgment, they need to practice making decisions and sometimes learn from their mistakes.

Let your parents know that you are trying to make good decision and give examples of situations in which you didn’t follow the crowd and why. You can also share examples of when you used good judgment and did follow the crowd, like joining a study group for an exam.

It can also help to talk about situations where you’re having trouble deciding what to do. Ask your parents’ advice, and also share your opinion. Through these discussions, your parents will realize that you’re really thinking about your decisions—rather than just doing whatever your friends do—and they’ll have more confidence in you making the right choices in the future.