Dear Ana,

This is a very common struggle for a lot of teens your age. While it is often true that teens want to be treated like they’re two years older and parents want to treat them like they’re two years younger, many parents don’t understand that when their children become teenagers they have to change their parenting approach. Parents are used to telling younger children what to do, how to behave, and overseeing their social interactions. When children become teenagers it is important for parents to shift from being in control to helping their children learn to make good decisions for themselves, even if they end up learning from their mistakes. The good news is that your parents are being so restrictive because they love you and are looking out for your safety. The bad news is they are restricting your opportunities to develop socially and learn to be responsible for yourself.

At a positive moment when everyone is happy and calm, consider respectfully bringing this up and having a discussion with your parents about it. In addition to sharing your feeling about it, make sure you allow your parents the opportunity to do the same. Help them to understand that you need to learn to think for yourself, because in a few short years you’ll be an adult and need to make your own decisions. To do so, you need practice. Suggest little experiments where your parents give you a little more freedom (e.g., go to a sleepover, be in the backyard when they’re away, etc.) and give you a chance to prove yourself. Consider really small steps at first, which will be easier for your parents to adjust to. If they agree, work hard to make smart, healthy choices that would make them proud.