Dear Jason,

My guess is that part of the problem is the strong feelings that you’re certainly entitled to have regarding your mother and the fact that she wasn’t there for you and your sister.

You clearly have very positive and protective feelings for your stepmom, which indicates that she has been there for you and has been a source of support. Sharing your feelings with your stepmom regarding your challenges with your mother may be helpful in that she might be able to help you with this challenge. In an environment that feels safe, and with some support, it may be helpful to try and share some of your feelings with your mother as well. Perhaps your step-mom can help to provide you with that safe and supportive environment.

Depending on how much your mom has been able to do to address some the issues that prevented her from being there for you and your sister in the past, consider the possibility of developing a new and different relationship with your mom that may prove beneficial for everyone. A good place to start is by having the opportunity to express your heartfelt feeling and seeing where it goes from there.