Dear Brooke,

While it is normal for siblings to argue and not always get along, violence and abuse are not OK. There are several options that you can consider:

At a positive moment, talk to your sister about how you feel and try to work out an agreement as to how you both can reduce conflict between you. Maybe there’s something that you’re doing that triggers her reaction. If so, you can make some effort to work on your part as well.

Let your mom know that her yelling at your sister and telling her to stop is not working and suggest that she start to use consequences for your sister’s behavior. This can involve positive consequences (rewarding her for treating you well) and/or negative consequences (e.g., losing her cell phone for a week). Believe it or not, positive consequences work better than negative consequences.

Consider asking your mom to find a good licensed family counselor that your family can meet with to help develop more effective strategies for family members to improve life at home. If the degree of violence/abuse is severe (e.g., bruises, cuts, etc.), consider talking to a trusted adult at school. They have a legal responsibility to help students who are experiencing abuse at home. Another option if the abuse is serious would be for you to contact the police directly and ask about filing charges against your sister for assault, which is illegal.

It is important for you to assert yourself and not allow your sister to victimize you. Taking the above steps will give her the message that you are not going to tolerate this behavior any longer and will force her to consider changing her behavior.