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About Dr. Jan
Jan S. Hittelman, Ph.D.
, is a licensed psychologist with over twenty years of experience working with adults, children, adolescents, and families in a variety of settings. In addition to clinical practices in California, Colorado, and New York, he has specialized in program development in partnership with school systems, psychiatric hospitals, correctional facilities and the courts, outpatient settings, residential treatment facilities, and private non-profit organizations. He is the founder of Compass House, a non-profit counseling collaborative for teens and their families. Dr. Hittelman is also the author of a monthly newspaper column entitled "Surviving the Teenage Years."
Dear Dr. Jan,
There is a possibility that my cousin has cancer. I am very sad. My cousin seems depressed. What can I do to make her feel better? How should I treat her?
— Mary
Dear Mary,
It can be very difficult for relatives to adjust and deal with the significant medical illness of a family member. How should I treat them? What should I say? How do I deal with my own discomfort regarding their illness? These are common challenges that are faced when a family member has an illness.
It can be very difficult for relatives to adjust and deal with the significant medical illness of a family member. How should I treat them? What should I say? How do I deal with my own discomfort regarding their illness? These are common challenges that are faced when a family member has an illness.
In terms of your cousin, the best thing you can do is try to be an emotional support for her. Let her know that you are there for her and are always available to talk and/or hang out as she awaits her diagnosis and if she does have cancer, during her treatment. Often, because of our own discomfort, we may find ourselves avoiding contact with ill relatives or friends at a time where they need our support the most. Just being there for her and letting her know how much you care about her can mean a lot.
Similarly, try to treat her as you would normally treat her, since she is still the same person and would probably prefer to be treated “normally.” Also, try to be a good listener. Giving her the opportunity to share her feelings knowing that you will keep her confidence can be what she needs the most right now.
Learn more about when a relative is ill.
Read other questions and answers from Dr. Jan's Corner.