Dear Jennifer,

It sounds like you’re assuming that your brother is not getting anywhere at least in part due to his continued struggle with your other brother’s death. If that’s true, you are correct that some kind of counseling would probably be needed. Unfortunately, if someone is unwilling or unable to engage in the counseling process, progress will be very slow at best.

One consideration is that the counselor he is seeing is really someone with whom he can relate. If not, it would be wise to consider a different therapist—one that your brother is allowed to choose for himself. But if your brother is comfortable with his therapist, and simply is resistant to counseling and is truly depressed, it may be useful for him to consider antidepressant medication.

It is also possible that there are other issues that your brother is struggling with in addition to his grief over the loss of his brother. Either way, it sounds like some kind of treatment would be a good idea.

A good place to start would be trying to have a conversation with your brother to let him know how much you care about him and how worried you are. Let him know that you are there for him and would be willing to help him look at treatment options. You can also make sure that he knows that you are available, if he ever just wants to talk.

Sometimes despite our love and concern, family members or friends ultimately need to decide for themselves when they are ready for help. Unfortunately, for some people, things have to get worse before they are ready to take this step. Letting them know that we care and are there for them is sometimes the best that we can do.