Dear Courtney,

It’s interesting that, for most of us, our parents’ opinions of us are something that we hold dearly, regardless of our relationship with them. I’m over 50 and my mother is 85, and knowing that she’s proud of me is still of great importance. I can understand, therefore, how your father’s negative comments can be difficult for you.

Your parents divorced for a reason and your dad clearly is still struggling to let go of resentments that he has toward your mom. I’m sure there are many positive qualities about your mom that you would like to emulate and thus being “just like her” is not all bad.

Try talking to your dad. What’s important is for you to find the strength to let your dad know how his comments make you feel. He also needs to understand that despite his negative feelings toward his ex-wife, she’s still your mother and it’s inappropriate for him to speak that way in front of you.

My other suggestion would be to try and be the best person you can be. Hopefully, your dad will come around and let you know how proud he is of who you are and your accomplishments. It’s easier to make changes within us than it is to change the opinions of others.