Dear Elvin,

When you see stress and conflict within your family, it’s only natural to try and do anything possible to help. Your motivation to do so is a wonderful reflection of how much you care about your family and want to see things improve.

Families often work like a system, with different members assuming different roles. It sounds like you are putting yourself in the role of peacemaker and are trying to fix problems in the family between your parents and siblings. While this is a noble effort, it may not be the best way to go.

Instead, it’s important that you first take care of yourself and focus on your own issues and priorities. The conflicts between your parents and your siblings need to be settled by them. The best thing that you can do to help is to encourage your family to consider counseling. In family therapy, you would also have the opportunity to participate, along with your parents and siblings. Family therapy would help to clarify the roles in the family and more closely examine how everyone interacts with one another. It would also provide you with guidance regarding how you can better communicate and interact together.