Dear Marie,

Some of us are given more challenges in life than others, and you certainly have more than your share. It is admirable that, despite your personal struggle, you are able to be such a caring older sister to your younger siblings. They are very lucky to have you.

Clearly your current situation is very difficult. While you may be feeling helpless, there are things that you can do. Most important, you need to take care of yourself. Make sure that you have the opportunity to express your feelings regarding your stepmother with someone you trust. It is very unhealthy to keep feelings bottled up. Expressing negative feelings, even when circumstances may not change, helps reduce the pain and impact of those feelings on our emotional and physical health. Consequently, if you first take care of yourself, you will be in much better shape to try and look out for your younger siblings.

You describe your stepmom as “abusive.” Every state has laws regarding various forms of abuse, like child abuse, and provides resources for victims to get help. You can contact your local law enforcement or social service agencies to find out if your situation warrants their involvement and, if appropriate, report the abuse that you and your siblings are experiencing. Depending on the severity of the abuse, these agencies are required to protect you from further harm.

If contacting these agencies feels like too big a step, consider speaking to a trusted adult like a school counselor, teacher, or coach. They are trained to help students connect with the right resources for problems like this.

Finally, speaking with a mental health professional can also help. Either by participating in individual or family counseling, a counselor can help to provide strategies to improve relationships within the family. Your dad may be open to a suggestion that your family start therapy to get along better.

By taking these steps you will help yourself and your family learn better ways to coexist.