Dear Tallie,

The challenge of being a teenager is that parents usually want to treat you like you’re two years younger than you are, and you want to be treated like you’re two years older than you are. Conflict may seem unavoidable.

Parents often have difficulty letting teens become more independent and make their own decisions. The best way to convince your parents to be less restrictive is to demonstrate that you can act responsibly and be trusted. A great way to start is to simply ask your parents to list as many ways as possible that you can demonstrate to them that you can be responsible. Review the list and pick a couple of items that you feel you could do successfully. After you’re successful, point it out to your parents in a nice way.

Now you’re ready to initiate a discussion about curfew. Encouraging a calm, mature discussion--rather than simply complaining--is the most effective way to get your parents to understand your point of view. Consider asking for small increases in time, while demonstrating that you can be trusted to be home by curfew. Little by little, over time you will be able to successfully extend your curfew while gaining your parents’ trust.

The issue of adult supervision can be a bit trickier. It may be less about trusting you and more about concern for your safety and the behavior of others. But it is still possible to see if there’s room for compromise. Some parents, for example, may be more comfortable with your being at a friend’s house after school unsupervised than with you at a party when adult are not present. Again, if you can find a way to gain your independence little by little, your parents may be more at ease giving you these freedoms as they see what good decisions you’re making.